The day that I woke up to the truth about parenting my teen started out like all the rest. Yelling, screaming, arguing, disappointment, frustration. Sound familiar?

My oldest daughter was 15 and caught in another lie about where she had been the night before. We had discovered that she had gone to a party that we had expressly told her not to attend. At that point in parenting, I was so tired of the constant pressure to be vigilant, the fear, the distrust, the lies. In frustration I yelled “Kathryn, why does it always have to be so hard with you?” And my headstrong, independent, slippery Kate looked at me with a smirk on her face and said “It wouldn’t be so hard if you didn’t care so much.” Out of the mouth of babes….

She could have been telling me to back off, that I was in her business too much, that I was trying to control her. Or she could have been giving me a backhanded compliment for the constant concern and focus I had about her well being, her safety, her life- present and future.

I chose to believe the latter.  I chose to believe that it was still my job to set boundaries  for my teen.  I chose to believe that at fifteen, my daughter was not old enough to be free to come and go as she pleased.  I chose to believe that honesty and trustworthiness in my daughter’s character were qualities worth fighting for.  I chose to believe that our values and our decisions should and would be taken seriously and respected!  No matter how much screaming and yelling and trouble ensued!  I was strong enough to withstand her push to back me off.  I was strong enough to stand my ground and insist on my reasonable rules be followed and respected.  I knew what was best and it was my job to see that Kate understood that I was still the boss-like it or not!  I decided right then and there that all the frustration and exhaustion, vigilance and fighting were worth it. I was never giving up on being the best parent I could be.  Failure was not an option!  Even if it killed me! And it almost did!